It all started as I woke and just didn't feel right. The pain in the back of my head was signaling me to go back to bed. But being a mom of 5 children I couldn't possibly do that. I woke to ride 5 miles on the bike, shower and start my day.
I woke the first child up at 6:30. Then by 6:45 they all started to wake with the last one rising up at 7:30. I was in a bad mood.. Could feel my stomach knotting up and my blood pressure rising. Oh boy here comes this attack ..
All the days problems continued to fold. My kids only had a half day. So they were home by 12pm. I knew it was going to be a long day.
To make a long story short. I snapped. Snapped at them and cried to myself. I needed this day to pass. All these emotions came out of nowhere. The crying started and didn't stopped. All these things floating around in my head just make matters worse. Going back to school, taking this NET test, bills, vacation and etc etc etc. OH boy I was on overload. I tried my best .. but couldn't do it. I just couldn't have a good day. I spent the afternoon crying. I had a breakdown I was yelling at my kids. I needed to get away.
Instead, I did homework, made dinner let the kids watch tv before bed and tucked them in. As I tucked each child in I apologized. I said I was so so sorry for how I acted. For being a "bad" mom. That I was having a hard day. That I should of given myself a time out. But how does a mother with 5 kids give herself a time out? I cleaned up and went to bed. I needed to sleep or try to at least.
I woke up this morning at 4:45. Rode the bike and started my day. So far so good. I am hoping that this bad mood passes. I think today will be a good day. It has to be I have 5 crazy kids to do again. But this is my life. I wouldn't change it for anything.
Wishing everyone a day filled with love, joy, understanding and happiness. I will try and give myself the same. I will try and survive this day...I can't quit.. to many people are counting on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment